My lovely and talented wife and I went to the movies last night. Which means we paid for one movie and snuck into two others.
Arthur: a remake of the disturbing Dudley Moore movie. Yes, the original was disturbing because it seemed to say that wasting your life on booze and prostitutes was something to aspire to. That was all taken out of the remake, and replaced with an earnestness which turns out to be disturbing in its own way. Oh, and I should mention I hate this movie on principle, because it stars Russell Brand, and my wife has a crush on him, and that makes me jealous. But I must say, casting Brand as Arthur was perfect. The character of Hobson was expanded from the original movie, and the gender bent from male to female, which was absolutely brilliant.
The women: Oh my God, what has happened to Jennifer Garner? Her facial features have coarsened, as if she's been taking male hormones for the past few years. The character of the "nobody" girlfriend was pretty much of a nothing. There was absolutely no spark between her and Russell Brand. Given all that, the casting of this part was brilliant, as the actress that plays her is forgettable. In fact I've almost forgotten her, I can feel her slipping away. I'm only forcing myself to remember her until this sentence is written, and then she will disappear from my mind. There, now she's gone!
Now, what about Helen Mirren as Hobson? Listen, in my book Helen Mirren is God. And I'll fight any man who says different. But you wouldn't know that from this movie. She lends the whole affair some much needed depth, but she just doesn't have much to work with. A shame, really.
Then we snuck into Battle Los Angeles. This was literally THE worst movie I have ever seen in my life. Wait, that's not quite fair, as we left after 25 minutes. So I'll amend my hasty pronouncement and say that this movie contains the worst first 25 minutes in cinematic history.
Then we snuck into Your Highness. It was funny and good. Superbad meets the Morte D'Arthur. A good prince and an idiot prince (brothers), go on a quest to save their kingdom and get laid. Silly, sophomoric, disgusting, and hilarious.
The women: Zooey Deschanel plays a princess. She's okay, but I wonder: how does she get away with having the exact same haircut in every movie she's ever been in?
Even though in this section of the review I usually only talk about women, I have to mention James Franco's performance as the good prince. He's in. Fucking. Credible. Funny as hell, but with a weird naivete, almost a femininity about him. My wife also has a crush on Franco, but I can't bring myself to hate him. He's attractive to women, but not threatening to men. Well played, sir, well played!
And then there's Natalie Portman. If there's anything I hate, it's being a sheep. I like to like people and things that are unpopular, and to dislike things that are popular. But in this case I have to go along with the herd. Physically, she is stunning. She just keeps getting more beautiful as she matures. And she's a skinny little thing, which I don't usually find attractive (we know this because she appears nearly naked in one scene). Here's the thing: she's not a great actress, but you don't care, in this movie or any other. She's compelling to watch, not for her acting, or her physical charms, but rather for a certain quality of stillness at the center of her performance, which she's projected from her earliest roles. You can't help but be drawn in, even in the broadest of comedies, such as this movie.
